Gold Spray-Paint

It's actually magic in a can.

I have a bit of a headache right now-- probably from spray-painting in an unventilated area, which I'm pretty sure you're expressly told Not To Do.

But goddamn it, I don't care: this is worth it. Gold spray-paint is worth it.

I've just come up from turning a boring black craft-store poster frame into a gold frame. Not the cheap fake-looking yellow gold shit most "gold" frames are made of, no-- gold gold. This formerly utilitarian $10 frame now looks like it belongs in a dragon hoard. Soon, my sweet "I Want To Believe" poster will be ensconced in a frame worthy of a Caravaggio, or at least a cheap digital print-out of a Caravaggio. It's going to be great.

The best part is, after I paint this frame-- gold spray-paint and I won't be through! because there will still be a mostly-full can of it in my house! and with it, the power to make anything gold. Self-evident, perhaps, but-- think about it! Gold spray paint makes you King Midas, but with no downsides. Everything you touch: suddenly glamorous!! For the price of a fume-headache, it can all be yours: golden frames, golden lamps, golden paper-weights, golden toilet-paper dispensers... there are no limits to your powers, except running out of gold spray paint.

With minimal effort, you could literally stack a table in your house full of gold things. Were you feeling particularly inspired, you could make a paper-mache dragon's head and spray-paint it gold and mount it on your wall-- and when you're done, sweaty and delirious, you will look down at your hands and see that you, too, have become golden.

So go: purchase your very own can of Golden Touch. And stop by the thrift store on the way home to purchase some action figures to turn into gold statues... which you can then name after yourself, and put on your desk, to remind you that you are The King (of spray-painting things gold).

Grade: A+ (fumes are worth it)

Buy: Off of Amazon, or at your local craft store. You might want to grab a primer & something to seal it with, too.

Disclaimer: You should probably open a window or paint outside or something, actually, I feel kind of like I'm going to puke.